The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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