is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
