sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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