why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
