sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
