I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
