someone owes me an orgasm
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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