My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
