shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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