Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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