I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
