dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
