beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
