party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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