We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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