you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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