I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
