i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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