Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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