My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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