While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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