He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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