hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
