worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
