So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
