Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I party with great urgency now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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