I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
