my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
