the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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