Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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