Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
