I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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