You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
