My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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