Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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