Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
