I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
