Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
