dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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