mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
