i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
