My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
