so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
