i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
