Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
