had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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