this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
