im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
