I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
