those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will be naked everywhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
