Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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