She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Quick, to the slutcave!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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