I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
