If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
