...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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