Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
PANTIES FOUND
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