I accidentally had phone sex last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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