in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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