david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
