what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize