i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
