I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
