wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
