Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
